Parents, You Are Killing Me....And Your Child Too

Teaching karate to hundreds of children puts me into contact with many, many parents. This is the hardest part of my job. I understand that your bundle of joy is precious to you, that he or she is your shining star, your extension of self and there is no one in the world just like them. What I do not understand is your desire to keep them infants dependent on you forever.

After a decade of teaching kids to do things so many thought that “just kids” couldn’t do, and watching them thrive, I am being told that everything I do is wrong. A child behaves badly in class and I ask them to do pushups – how dare I? A child refuses to try, refuses to practice, and does not learn a single thing and so does not earn a belt and a certificate – what kind of a monster am I? Remind the class that their grading is coming up and that they need to practice their kata – you cannot put that much pressure on the children, they will have nightmares.

Many parents sign their children up because the children are out of control and need some discipline or because the child is being bullied and needs large doses of self esteem. However, when I try to discipline them or teach them that, yes they can learn something challenging and excel at it, I am destroying their will to live.  I am crushing them. My expectations of children are too high. Is that what we want for our children now, lowered expectations?

It saddens me to watch these kids being treated like they are fragile and then begin to act that way. It angers me to take the blame, that my one hour a week with these children is the reason they are so neurotic and not the constant over parenting.

Failing a test will not destroy a child, but never learning to work hard at something might. Never learning to bounce back after failure definitely will. Children need to learn to do things without their parents, and do them well. They need to learn that rules are to be followed, and when they are not followed there are consequences. They need to learn to take responsibility for breaking those rules and not putting the blame on the people who enforce them. They need to learn all of the difficult and challenging things they can do instead of being “protected” from trying. In the “real world” every person does not get a trophy just for showing up and your son or daughter’s boss is not going to be impressed when you march in and demand to know why your offspring did not get the promotion. Sound ridiculous? Well what age is the appropriate age to allow your child to start growing up? From what I can tell, the plan is to coddle them until they finish high school and then set them loose with no life skills.

Parents, please, let your children grow up and learn some independence. Allow them to become good at something. If they never learn how to recover from failure, they will never learn how to succeed. There is a reason the word “smothering” doesn’t have any positive connotations.