Posts
I
recently heard an old fact being
quoted again that married men live longer on average than single men but that
single women live longer than married women. Previously I had assumed this to
be because wives take care of their families; planning (relatively) nutritious
meals, scheduling doctor appointments and talking them out of doing stupidly
reckless and dangerous things. Now, though I question the validity of the statement,
I have been wondering if I my original thoughts were backward. Maybe women
survive longer by living carefree and recklessly.
I
announced that I was never going to marry at about age 11 and continued to do
so through my teens, twenties, etc. Initially I argued that since my chosen
career path was thespian, which is hard on a marriage, it would not be fair to
a husband or children and probably would not work so I would stay single rather
than risk divorce. No, I am not embellishing. Yes I was that much of a
pretentious git 11 year old. I was even worse at 16.
In
my twenties my rationale for not marrying become more political. I was
volunteering with a rape crisis hotline and a shelter for battered women and the
fact that persecution for violence was more likely when a woman was not
romantically linked to the perpetrator was hard to miss. Why would any woman
give away her right to protection under the law by marrying? Though that
argument is a strong one, I suspect it wasn’t personally true. As lame as it
may sound, “I am just not the marrying type” is probably closer to the real answer.
The
term spinster has gone out of fashion, but I don’t feel the attitudes toward us
have really changed. Most liberal minded people are willing to accept a variety
of different lifestyle choices - open
relationships, gay marriage, bdsm, divorce - but a woman who has never married?
Poor woman, don’t worry, I’m sure your boyfriend will propose. Why is it
inconceivable that any of those boyfriends proposed (they did) but that I chose
not to marry (I did)? I have talked about marriage with partners, even, and I
cringe to admit this, wanted one of my boyfriends to propose just to prove he
wanted to marry me despite completely understanding that there was no possible
way he and I could even successfully cohabitate.
It
still takes a lot of courage to decide not to marry if you are a woman. People
assume you are unwanted. A male bachelor is viewed as a wild man that the right
woman will have to tame and drag down the aisle. Given a woman’s alleged
increased chance of survival if she doesn’t marry, I wonder if this is not a
marketing ploy by men. Women do love a challenge, let’s trick them into
thinking they tricked us into marriage so they will take care of us and then we
will live longer. Survival of the fittest indeed.
