Spinsters of the World Unite

I recently heard an old fact being quoted again that married men live longer on average than single men but that single women live longer than married women. Previously I had assumed this to be because wives take care of their families; planning (relatively) nutritious meals, scheduling doctor appointments and talking them out of doing stupidly reckless and dangerous things. Now, though I question the validity of the statement, I have been wondering if I my original thoughts were backward. Maybe women survive longer by living carefree and recklessly.

I announced that I was never going to marry at about age 11 and continued to do so through my teens, twenties, etc. Initially I argued that since my chosen career path was thespian, which is hard on a marriage, it would not be fair to a husband or children and probably would not work so I would stay single rather than risk divorce. No, I am not embellishing. Yes I was that much of a pretentious git 11 year old. I was even worse at 16. 

In my twenties my rationale for not marrying become more political. I was volunteering with a rape crisis hotline and a shelter for battered women and the fact that persecution for violence was more likely when a woman was not romantically linked to the perpetrator was hard to miss. Why would any woman give away her right to protection under the law by marrying? Though that argument is a strong one, I suspect it wasn’t personally true. As lame as it may sound, “I am just not the marrying type” is probably closer to the real answer.

The term spinster has gone out of fashion, but I don’t feel the attitudes toward us have really changed. Most liberal minded people are willing to accept a variety of different lifestyle choices - open relationships, gay marriage, bdsm, divorce - but a woman who has never married? Poor woman, don’t worry, I’m sure your boyfriend will propose. Why is it inconceivable that any of those boyfriends proposed (they did) but that I chose not to marry (I did)? I have talked about marriage with partners, even, and I cringe to admit this, wanted one of my boyfriends to propose just to prove he wanted to marry me despite completely understanding that there was no possible way he and I could even successfully cohabitate.

It still takes a lot of courage to decide not to marry if you are a woman. People assume you are unwanted. A male bachelor is viewed as a wild man that the right woman will have to tame and drag down the aisle. Given a woman’s alleged increased chance of survival if she doesn’t marry, I wonder if this is not a marketing ploy by men. Women do love a challenge, let’s trick them into thinking they tricked us into marriage so they will take care of us and then we will live longer. Survival of the fittest indeed.