Drain Snakes and Riders

A few weeks ago, I received an email from a stranger with the subject line “seeking skilled female fighter for private fighting session.” The email requested a female with a sadistic streak to fight the male sender and then listed several stipulations, remuneration (including hotel room, flights, etc.). Now, I will fully confess that when something bizarre and off putting like this happens in my life I immediately work it into the comedy routine that I am constantly writing in my head for an audience of one. The next thing I did was take a screenshot of it to share with my friends.

After writing the previous post about not dealing with my sister’s death, I stopped in to see my brother, probably craving some of that family trademark dark humour. We laughed a lot. My brother is a very funny man when he isn’t being moody, mean, or annoying (in other words, an older brother). During our conversation I showed him the aforementioned email. The friends I had sent screenshots to said things you would expect, “that is bizarre” and “how do you think he got your email address?”, then obviously made jokes about the money. My brother’s first words were, “this guy is too picky”. He then went over the stipulations that I should demand to be removed from the contract (especially the part about not putting the guy in the hospital) and told me I needed to find out what part of Florida this was supposed to take place. “Tell him Miami, everyone should go to Miami once. Not that fucking Disney area, forget about it”. He also told me the money offered was not worth the requested 90 minutes and advised me to give the guy an hour. First, though, I was to find out what hotel he was booking me into. We parted smiling, me forgetting all the other, very funny things we talked to each other about and him going home to finish working on my tour rider.

All media inquiries please contact Lisa’s manger brother, if he doesn’t have a plumbing call to attend to.