The Best Wingman You May Ever Have is the Bad Date the Girl You Like Is On

Like all good stories that probably shouldn’t be told, this one starts with "I have this friend"…he’s funny, he’s smart, he’s attractive, he’s fit and he likes a lot of the same things I do. We talk, we ride, he patiently and sympathetically listens to me whine about the terrible guys I’ve dated in the past. We’re just friends. Hear that sound ladies? It’s the sound of your buddy’s head hitting the wall.

We all have one, possibly more, cute, funny, really nice guy friends who are always there for us, whose company we thoroughly enjoy. You know the one; he’s the first person you call after a bad date. He’s the one you call after every bad date. He’s also totally into you and he’s waiting for you to wake up and smell the coffee, sister. Well, here’s a steamy cup of espresso for you:

Being involved in or a fan of some very male dominated sports, I have a lot of guy friends, in fact at times my life is one big sausage fest – hold the toppings, they are all just friends. Some of them I have had secret crushes on, a couple of them I dated a life time ago. In either case, I relegated all of them to the friend category and spent time and energy dating men less attractive, less funny, less charming, and less intelligent than my friends.  After my last big breakup and subsequent bad first date, I was so turned off of the idea of relationships I made a New Year’s Resolution not to date for a year. It worked, I was happy. I had the best summer in years, hanging out with cute, smart, attractive, really good guys who were just friends. I was really happy. So happy, in fact, that I forgot about said resolution when an old friend (and crush) invited me out and I discovered much to my surprise that he considered it a date. Things went fine; I didn’t even know it was a date until it was nearly over. I got a little excited (probably from the validation of an old crush asking me out). We had a second date. It all went terribly, terribly wrong. Remember my older blog entry about etiquette? It was pretty much a checklist of everything he did wrong. Seriously, it made me suspicious that he read it and set out to exhibit every pet peeve I have. When I got home, I asked a cute, funny, smart guy friend to go to the pub for his amusement and my catharsis.

As we talked and I related the details of my bad date I realized I had never had a bad time with him. That being around him made me happy, very happy, and then it hit me. Why am I spending valuable time and energy on bad dates and unfulfilling relationships when I was sitting across from someone who was cute, funny, intelligent and already had an excellent track record of making me happy? The answer is, I’m not anymore….and it turns out, he’s totally into me.

Respect Anachronism

I’m not generally prone to nostalgia. Quite the opposite, I tend to assume things will continue to improve otherwise what is the point in continuing? I have no use for the days of “good old family values" which allowed a man to beat his family without fear of the neighbours calling the police and saw young women enter university with the sole purpose of getting an Mrs. before their names rather than a designation after it. I do, however, believe in respect and that apparently makes me very old fashioned. Here is my quick guide to etiquette:

Lateness: When you are chronically late you are telling others “I think my time is more valuable than yours and thus it is ok to make you wait.” You may very well think you are more important but that is not how others perceive you. They see you as disorganized, unreliable and flakey. (Kudos to Anna, who is always punctual, if not early).

Mobile phones: Take a lesson from emergency nurses and triage your communication with others. The person who has taken the time to physically be with you deserves top priority and your undivided attention. Next, phone callers and last, texters. Having a phone conversation or texting when you are with someone tells the person who actually made the effort to see you that you would rather be spending time with someone – anyone else. If that is how you feel by all means go spend your time elsewhere, we’ll both be better off. (Shaun, Mike K, Paulina and Jaime thanks for always making me feel like I am the reason you left the house whenever we meet up).

Meals: It is never ok to begin eating before everyone at the table is served. Period. Also, body fluids and dinning spaces don’t mix; when you are around food keep them on the inside. Please excuse yourself to blow your nose; you’ll want to wash your hands immediately after anyway....won’t you? (I wish everyone could experience dinning with Hien, always the consummate gentleman at table).

Baseball caps: They are not fashionable and wearing one does not make you an athlete. Unless you are painting, renovating or it is required as part of your food service industry uniform, take it off indoors. (None of my friends wear baseball caps; they’re a stylish bunch with great hair).

Doors: It’s very simple; he or she who gets there first holds it open for the person behind them even if that person is a stranger. (As a side note, my friend Nick still offers a lady his arm when taking a stroll and yet very much seeks to associate with women who will challenge him. I’m trying to convince him to come to Canada and hold workshops).

Here’s one that is perhaps a little nostalgic and most likely to meet with disagreement. I do miss the days when someone picked you up by getting out of their car and knocking on your door and got out of the car again to say goodbye when dropping you off. A text from the driveway is the digital equivalent of a honk. (I bow respectfully to Jennine and Craig, possibly the last two people on the planet who still do this).

To those of you seeing your manners in this blog (whether specifically named or not), I appreciate your refinement and how wonderfully aware you are. Thanks for being charmingly you.