Ch-ch-ch-changes

An interesting conversation about parallel universes and meeting another version of one's self (which I'm convinced would be disastrous - ever met someone of the same gender who you had everything in common with? How much did you hate them?), and another conversation about life choices have collided in my brain as I started thinking about all the things I wish I could have told younger me at different stages of my life. So here it is, the wisdom of my ages:

At 5'1 you cannot wear anything long or flowing unless you want to look like a frumpy Smurf

Shortcuts ALWAYS lead to more work

If someone truly loves and cares about you, they make you feel good about yourself. Someone who makes you nuts, self-conscious or insecure is doing so on purpose and out of self-interest (not yours)

Believe it or not, 50 lb weakling and last picked for "soccer baseball", you are going to be a black belt one day and a mighty force to be reckoned with

That haircut isn't going to work on you

What is the worst thing that can happen if you fail the test? You have to rewrite it. Yeah, that's it

If you are afraid of losing someone, you don't belong with them

Never stop playing

Don't take yourself so seriously, no one else does

Guard "Me Time" with your life

Don't worry, no one else has any idea either. Everyone is faking it

There is no such thing as a "grown up"

None of this is going to matter in 10 years

It really is NOT the end of the world. It's not a catastrophe or a disaster either. Open a dictionary or watch a documentary on earthquakes, tsunamis, avalanches, war...a little perspective, please

Fear of success is more common than fear of failure

Many of the people at countless wedding receptions asking "when is it going to be your turn?", "when are you finally going to settle down?" or "are you dating anyone?" will end up divorced

Most of the "successful" kids in high school, the one's you hate, are peaking in high school

If you are bored, do something about it

Being creative does not make you "moody" and "deep"; all those actors, guitar players and artists you find so attractive can be placed on the DSM-IV. Creativity is not an excuse for bad behaviour

If someone says to you, "I'm a bad person", listen to them and get the %^*& out of there!!!!

If You Want My Advice......

Those of you who irregularly read my blog will know that I work in the fitness industry. I am a certified personal trainer, a Spinning (tm) instructor and a karate sensei. Like anyone else who provides a service, I frequently get asked for free advice by friends and acquaintances alike. I don't mind sharing information, in fact, I generally enjoy it. I work in the industry because I have a passion for it, not to make a lot of money (which is a good thing, because, well, I don't). 

What I do mind are the "...yeah, but..." people. We've all met them, they are the people who pretend to be soliciting your expertise but what they actually want is for you to tell them what they want to hear, and what they really want to hear is, "what you are doing at the moment is perfect, you are absolutely right, don't change a thing." Thus, their response to your informed and considered advice is to offer a well rehearsed list of why your solutions won't work for them, because "...yeah, but..." is almost always followed by, "I can't."

My methods for dealing with people like this have ranged from the fake sympathetic - smile and nod saying things I don't mean like "yes, it's a tough one" while my brain screams, "THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU ASK ME?!?!?", to the patronizing, "naturally, you would know better than me", and on occasion, outright blunt, "look, do you want to be 'right' or do you want to actually learn this?"*. The problem is, I always walk away feeling frustrated that the advice seeker is going to fail when ultimately it is not my problem whether they succeed or not. Why is that? They aren't clients, often they aren't even friends, why is it more important to me that they succeed in improving their fitness than it is to them? Why can't I develop that 'professional detachment' I hear so much about?

Years ago I joked with friends that I was going to write a best selling self-help book and I knew it was going to be a bestseller because I had the perfect self-help formula: take what people are already doing, rephrase it so it sounds different, provide very small easy changes that aren't really changes, because ultimately, that is what advice seekers really want, to find out they are right, but with different phrasing. Now, if only I could get down that not caring part, I'd be rich.....




* This would be the point in the program when my friends would argue, "oh, yeah? What about all those times we gave you relationship advice along the lines of, 'why do you insist on staying with this person who so obviously does not make you happy and is not right for you on any level?' which you completely ignored and continued to whine about how unhappy he was making you for the next year and a half?" And they would be absolutely right. All I can offer is that I am a  slow relationship learner but  I eventually got it right.