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"Granola Girl"
that I am, I try to do my part for the environment. I don't eat meat, I recycle
like a demon and I either walk, bicycle or take public transit everywhere. The
latter makes me privy to conversations of a private nature. I try to arm myself
with reading material and an iPod but I find the more I really don't want to
overhear a conversation, the more it intrudes on my concentration. I don't know
why people forget that everyone around them can hear their mobile phone
conversations, but they do. I've heard so many "baby daddy drama"
conversations that they have all blended into one he isn't paying child
support-was with another woman-won't get a job-needs to move out ball of
confusion and it is hard to differentiate them all. Those are the conversations
I forget quickly. The ones that really stick with me are those of unintentional
comedic brilliance. Recently a friend suggested I blog about them and so, here
we are, some of my favourite snippets of public transit talk:
A young woman having a
phone interview for a job from the seat behind me offered this gem: "I'm a
scheduling wizard." This did make me immediately want to read the rest of
her resume with a keen interest in what school she attended that had any kind
of "wizardry" on its curriculum.
The lost young man who
wanted to learn master guitar building from a prestigious school in
"somewhere in BC or Saskatchewan, I forget, anyway it's somewhere on the
East Coast." (For my non-Canadian readers, BC and Saskatchewan are both in
Western Canada and Saskatchewan, being a Prairie province, doesn't have a
coast of either an Eastern or Western variety).
The alphabetically
challenged woman trying desperately to locate her lost Fendi wallet explaining
that it "looks exactly like the Coach intertwined C's...but....you
know....with F's" which is true, I guess, but there has to be a better way
to put it.
Girls do need math, as
was proved by the group of them having a one-up conversation about their
footwear collection,
Girl 1: "Oh
my god, I have, like, 20 pairs of shoes"
Girl 2: "Well, I
don't even know how many pairs I have now because I had about 23 pairs but then
I bought, like, another 15 pairs."
Recently I came upon the
plan to start turning to the loud mobile conversationalist and say, "I
can't believe you did that! I would be so embarrassed" as a way to remind
them we all can hear them and to possibly traumatize the bad behaviour out of
them. However, being sat directly behind a man twitching in his seat who was
muttering in graphic detail about all the violent things he was going to do to
"her” has made me rethink this plan. Transit people can be a volatile lot
and its best that I not provoke them in person. Instead I'll do it via the
safety of the internet.
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