Conversations With My Martial Arts Students:

As another session of karate wraps up for the summer, I am reflecting on the interesting encounters I have had over the years. Here are some of the conversational highlights from my teaching career.

“Please stop licking the walls” (it comes up surprisingly often)

“The style of karate you are learning is not kung fu” (it may not seem amusing to you, but when you have to make that distinction about every 2-3 weeks to the same group it becomes funnier)

“I find it hard to believe that hitting me in the back was an accident when you started at the back of the room and the drill did not include the movement of legs or feet”

“Your question is; what should you do if a Samurai tries to hit you with his sword?” (The answer, of course, is call me or at least take a photo for me – just where are these children hanging out?)

“No, I don’t live in Japan” (bitch of a commute to work that would be! side note, adults have also asked me if I plan to move there and when I respond that I would love to but what would I do, they assure me I should teach karate....in Japan....to the Japanese....I'm sure to make a killing! )

Me: (to students hesitant to do as they are asked) Do you know how to say “no” in Japanese?”

Students: shaking their heads side to side

Me: EXACTLY!

Me:  You don’t want to lean forward when you punch as that will put you off balance. It also brings your forehead closer to your opponent, which we generally try to avoid

Adult male student:  (pointing to his frontal lobe) I’d rather take a punch here (then pointing to his chin) then (sic) here

My teaching assistant:  Looks like you already have

Adult Female Student: (upon my demonstrating the proper pivot for a sidekick) that can’t be right, that looks stupid

Me: My mistake, it’s your 2 second class, I’ve been teaching for 6 years; naturally you know better

Student: I couldn’t believe it, she was dropping c-bomb after c-bomb (I have borrowed the “saying I can’t will get you 20 pushups” rule which I strictly enforce, and thus the phrase “c-bomb” was born)

“It’s not so much that you take off your warm up pants after skipping, it’s the way you make a production of tearing them off in the manner of a male stripper” (dear friend, you are sadly missed)

This one actually occurred in the hallway of a rec centre I teach at. Two guys walked past me, one wearing a "Tap Out" t-shirt, went quite a distance down the hall and then one of them said

"Nice belt, did you buy it at the flea market"
To which my my teaching assistant, without a moment's hesitation, responded
"You tap out so often they gave you a t-shirt, huh?"